Well, He didn’t like the video made for Him from the barn. At all. I saw it. I saw how awkward and fake the farmer was “acting” (I use that term very loosely). He hated the guys and felt it was badly set up and unauthentic.
That’s a tough one for me. I had such a fucking great time! I really did! Without a doubt EVERYTHING I do cums from a need to please Him and bring Him something to get His cock hard. In doing that, lots of things can and do go awry.
The guys involved with this were typical guys. No offense meant there, but so many men I’ve met are literally shell shocked over my behavior. I used to be, too. I don’t feel that way any longer, but I get it when men don’t know how to respond.
So many men are so worried about offending woman these days, that they can no longer own their own dominance, if in fact they are dominant. Many men have had the dominance wiped right out of them by lots of factors. The mind controlling media is just one of them.
The farmer yesterday went into “acting” mode as soon as the camera turned on. He mockingly choked me instead of grabbing my throat with authority. He looked like he was completely pulling every strike of the belt, because he was just pretending to whip me. Funny thing is, even though he was “pretending” to whip me…I’ve got some bright shining bruises.
Looking back at the video, I can see how that ruined it for Him. He loves authenticity. Maybe I shouldn’t have bothered sending it, but I did love being tied up and hung by my wrists and whipped (He did strike me more authentically before the camera turned on). I so hoped that would shine through, but the truth is: I’m still on the shit list and it just wasn’t something He enjoyed. End of story.
The pix came out pretty cool and I sent some of those to Him. Maybe they will please. All I can do is my best and hope that He’ll feel happy with me. I miss talking to Him. I miss feeling Him around me. I miss a lot of what we had, but I’ve noticed that with Him…we never go backwards.
I don’t know where things are headed, all I can do is breathe and let go.