I ruined things. He asked to talk only it wasn’t a good talk. All my selfishness was read by Him on here.
I can hardly type I’m so upset. I think I fucked up so badly He may never let me near Him again.
When He said to call Him Sir…what is fucking wrong with me? Am I that FUCKING STUPID??!! I’d give anything to go backwards in time and call Him that again. I hate myself. No I despise myself and how uncaring I am.
He asked me why I’m never happy with anything. He’s fucking right. Just talking to me should have been enough but I want MORE AND MORE AND MORE. Now I have nothing. I’m a million miles away from ever touching Him no less 2000.
I did it. I blew it all up. I even made Him feel bad about being too sick to type when He writes “gm” for good morning. How could I write that? I’ve hurt Him and it’s all because I’m never happy.
Nothing feels right now. When He’s unhappy so am I. I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry to Him. I’m sorry for being such a selfish bitch.