Attention Whore Crashes and Burns

Everything feels hollow this morning. Nothing matters. Without Him my world crashes and burns. How could I have done all I did yesterday? There’s nothing even remotely good inside me. If there were He’d be happy.

My neediness. I bothered Him. I just asked for more and more attention. He’s right about me. Just a spoiled vindictive child having a tantrum. All my uncaring words here. Nothing I can ever give makes up for how pitiful I am.

I hate myself so much and I’ve been crying all night and woke crying. There’s so much that I have to make up for. I feel sick. I wanted Him to love me. Want. Want. Want. FUCKING WANT!! Now I created the opposite.

The truth is crying and feeling bad does nothing. I’m upset but who cares. And I can’t just bleed my misery at Him either. My god, I can’t believe I fucked things up so badly. Part of me wants to just run away, but I’d just bump into me again. I owe Him. I have to make it up to Him. I’m so upset right now I can hardly breathe. He’s everything to me. Yet all I’ve been is hurtful, needy, petty, spiteful and ungrateful. I’m not who anyone thinks I am that’s for sure. He knows who I am though. Sadly He knows full well.

No more bleeding. And especially to Him. Even on here.

 

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s