Tonight, is the second night of my Ayahuasca journey. It truly has been a journey. A painful deeply insightful one and I have my reservations about another trip. “Coming face to face with what is shown isn’t always easy”, He said.
No, I felt an intense sexual rush and realized that everything He’s said about me, showed me, made me look at…is true. Then there’s lots of negative messages I’m still holding on to about it. So, tonight I’m hoping, or rather, my intentions are: to be shown why He and all this came into my life. What’s the deeper reason for all of this?
The shaman for this journey is a woman a bit younger than I. I shared my experience with her about Him and she shared she had a ten year D/s relationship. She gave me some real words of wisdom and a focus. Maybe a small warning too that I don’t lose myself in Him. Does it sound like that’s a bit too late?
So I guess I wish I could connect with Him tonight too. I may as well admit that. He says He’s everywhere and always watching, I would love in the deepest way to feel Him tonight. To feel His protection, feel Him around me. To see deeper into things about some spiritual things He shared with me a long time ago. To be guided to how to give to Him and love Him better and deeper and mostly, for Him to feel it.
I pray for Him and His health tonight. I ask for His healing and strength to return. I ask for whatever the reason is we came together, it only grow stronger, deeper and more loving. Help me to be the best I can be to serve Him, to truly show Him I care and real love and to be open to wherever this journey goes.