“Having fun showing off”? His comment on Instagram said, about a selfie of my legs in lined sheer black stockings, black garter and heels.
“yes, Sir (kissy face emoji)”, I responded, with my heart beating out my chest.
A few minutes later there was another message from Him…
“good”, He pronounced.
My pussy shot up a hundred degrees and went instantly wet. THAT. Is the absolute truth.
I had stayed quiet, not a word, since Friday. Inside, I had gone through ever emotion fathomable. Just that day, it had been painful anger with me crying my eyes out, sputtering out loud, on a job. Fortunately, I work alone.
Once it had spilled all out of me, I felt a huge sigh. It wasn’t just from letting it out, it was in giving in. All of that anger was me fighting what was; what He is and requires. It is, after all, what I had willingly followed for two years. Yet, there’s always this “surprised indignation” at one point from me when things are not going well.
All of the “it’s not fair” thoughts and feelings had surfaced. “He never gives me what He dangles (collar, slave bracelet, using the new vibrator for Him I sent for His birthday, meeting Him)”, “His past subs got all the things I so long for”, “They had everything done for them while I have to make everything happen”, “He approaches my girlfriend when she doesn’t talk to Him, I get left behind”, “He won’t let me into His spiritual world any more”. All of these whiney “what about me” “what about mine” feelings.
It’s feelings like those that show me what issues I still have going on inside. Because honestly, if those things were truly what was the most important to me, I would have left a long time ago. Those things are just the whipped cream on top. I’m there for whatever it is that made me respond the way I did as soon as I heard from Him. It’s undeniable. It’s a feeling I have with no one else on this planet and because of it, there’s a deep devotion…and, dare I say, love that holds me; causes me to keep finding ways to give to Him day after day, no matter what. It’s more than an addiction or obsession, it feels like a part of me. I have no other words for it than those.
I am still keeping my distance from Him. I need some time to just feel centered again, for whatever balance I can possibly have within a relationship like this. So for now, I’m just focusing on the heels.