Fucking for a Good Cause

Went to a charity event last night where I volunteered at an auction. Long drive there, and I must say I really enjoyed the quiet. To be honest, I didn’t even reach out to Him much. I just drove and took a respite from all the loud chatter that usually is cluttering my short circuiting brain and aching bottomless pit of a heart.

My girlfriend had called and said a lot of things that sunk me a bit about Him. It’s upsetting for me to hear that He says so many of the same things to her as He does to me. I guess we all do that to some extent, and probably that’s my wanting to put Him in a bubble…just for me. It’s indulgent and silly, I know. Funny to watch how my heart and mind work. Something about the fact that He sent her a picture of His hand, though, bothered me. I look at pictures of Him, of the few I have, and I look at His hands, His feet (my god He has amazingly beautiful feet, the kind I would have trouble taking my eyes or lips off of if He’d let me, of course), His mouth, nose…and especially His eyes. Those are the toughest to see in pictures, and always leave me with this haunting feeling of what would it be like to actually look into them. Such a strange feeling, it’s hard to describe.

Sarah’s Addiction, remember? Yeah, nothing I can do about anything really. I have no control over anything with Him, what so ever. One step out of line, or wanting too much or ever insinuating that I feel there’s something I “deserve”…I’m sure to be looking through a keyhole instead of feeling anything from Him. But then that’s what I keep reminding myself I’m working on: letting go of ego and my reckless, selfish wanting and giving instead.

Hence, the charity event. Pushing all that shit down in me. It’s to help out animals in need. It was about doing what was needed and I really did roll up my sleeves and do whatever was there; the whole time wondering if I was doing enough or if I seemed out of place. Again, funny how my mind works. At one point of the night, a young friend of the organizer starting talking to me. Instantly felt a pull toward Him.

The conversation centered on his traveling down to South America with his brother where they would both experience Ayahuasca for the first time. Oddly enough, I am going to a retreat in the states for the same experience. I really was half listening to what he was saying because I suddenly noticed my attention on wanting to fuck him. I absolutely hadn’t gone there for that. Honestly, didn’t even cross my mind, which is unusual for me. I just felt myself dropping more and more hints of my inner workings with this guy, and then I noticed he kept coming back to speak to me.

I took a chance and asked if he would walk me to my car at the end of the night, and he seemed to jump at it. I also invited him to the back seat of my car, and he seemed to jump at that, too. It is so amazing to me still how these things organize themselves. So much of it is unspoken. It just evolves and I give in to it. In some ways I direct it when the guy is a bit timid, but it’s not really pushing….more like guiding and listening to where things are going.

The truth was, he was awkward and seemed all over the place; wanting to gently kiss me one moment and slapping my ass the next. Taking control one moment and just laying back so much I felt I needed to guide things again. I do so love a man that grabs me and takes what he wants. Even writing that I can feel myself drip, but that’s not what this was. This was just letting go of all expectation and almost laughing at how life just is and it’s just a dance.

I ripped off of most of my clothes except for my panties and slid them to the side and lowered my pussy onto his cock. Awkward and spastic, but I didn’t care. I didn’t care. I just sucked and fucked and did my best to bring out what would make him cum. He had trouble cumming, and that was a challenge to me. I really enjoy cum, and that was all I wanted out of that night. So when I realized whatever I was doing wasn’t bringing that, I handed his cock to him.

“Show me how you like it…just tell me when you’re gonna cum so I can lick it all up”, I said. And I crawled down between his legs and licked his balls while he frantically shook and jerked his cock. I spoke to him in between tongue work on how much I couldn’t wait to taste him….no lie. I’m always shocked to hear the voice that expresses from me in moments like that. It’s me but it’s from somewhere else. When he said he was gonna cum, I jumped up and sucked the head of his cock and licked up every spot I could find of his sweet cum.

I just blurted out ‘that was fucking fun’, and it really was. I felt more relaxed with his cum in my belly, and he really was adorable with those puppy dog eyes, scant beard and soft lips. I had enjoyed it all. Yes, that surprised me. It was more than the not expecting it, it was the lack of guilt I felt for doing it. Like it was the most natural thing in the world for me to have done and somehow that it happened was a sign of that, I guess.

I’ve questioned many times if all this fucking around was just Him inside me, in my head; but it’s moments like that (where I hadn’t even contacted Him to tell Him about it) that it comes into focus in a very different way.  Don’t get me wrong, He’s with me every second. I never don’t think of His influence and about sharing it, but I have wondered if it is just me doing it to get His attention or make Him proud of me for being a fucktoy, as He has called me.

I did my best to share it on my phone while driving home. I couldn’t stop because hubby was sure to be watching the car and it’s every move. And when I got home I wasn’t surprised to see him still awake. “I’ve been waiting for you”, he said. Oh shit….night’s not over.

I crawled into bed and to my surprise HUBBY was the rough lover that night! Grabbed me and flipped me on my back, ripped off my panties and buried his face in my pussy.

“Owww, you’re so wet. I like you coming home horny”, he smiled.

“All the guys looking at you and wanting to fuck you tonight’? he asked. I said not a word.

“Only I’m the lucky one…you’re coming home to me”, and he pushed his tongue deeper into me and took my clit between his teeth so hard I almost screamed. Instead, I just relaxed and felt how fucking good that was to be in between pain and pleasure and just sunk into it.

He lasted a long time and fucked me so hard, I was out of breath at the end. I so enjoyed wondering if he could smell another guys scent on my cunt. I could. I could smell him everywhere and it made me fucking wet.

A really good night to be sure. The next morning there was a text from Him saying, “Somehow I knew you wouldn’t let an opportunity go to waste”. It made me smile in a weird way. I’ve been staying quiet. Didn’t share that about hubby either, and I’m not really sure why. Maybe because sometimes I don’t like admitting that hubby still has something over me. Yet, I guess taking all of it in without judging anything is the only way I can truly feel anything. “Hold on loosely…but don’t let go”, isn’t that what the song said? Who sang that anyway? Thanks for reading.

Found it…but I got the words a bit wrong. Ah, the mind remembers what it wants to. In my case especially.

 

 

 

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