Pee Slut Gets Pissed Off

Sometimes there’s fucking anger. Anger so loud in me that I want to scream. He spoke to me about His favorite movies. I pay attention, but I have a memory of a fucking paper clip, so I write things down.

He said He could burn out my Netflix account. He mentioned these movies! And I have watched many of them because that night I called them homework. It’s learning about Him! It’s the only way because He tells me just about nothing. I shared every movie I watched and He was playful. Tonight?

“Stalking again”, He said. I could feel my blood pressure burn up. I can take a lot. But when He tells me things I PAY ATTENTION! I WRITE IT DOWN! I have pictures of a BLACK and RED jacket! (Note: that’s another whole story) He tortures!! Twists me up and rips away any security I possible could find.

There are nights I want my life back. I want me back. It’s scary not knowing who you are anymore. Never knowing anything. Never, never, ever knowing what chapter we’re in or what fucking book!

I wanna stay away and just run. No where feels me anymore. Not home. Not Him.

Truth is, there were a few days that were very intense. Intense in a distant way because He’s only allowing me to call Him Sir. It feels like walking up hill while the slope gets steeper everyday.

One day, I followed a feeling.  I put a new pink teeny bikini on (He picked it out when I was in a sex shop and I sent pix from the dressing room) and sent some pix and it pleased Him it seemed. A lot.

He said some amazing things to me, but I just stayed calm and not attached to anything. He had me call Him. Something that hadn’t happened in a while. As I was heading upstairs I asked to use the bathroom…He said to take Him with me. I smirked because oddly enough I’d always wanted that. Like something I never said but, as always, He’s so far ahead of me.

He said to get into the tub. I did. Then He said to pee in my bikini and soak it. Strange how I didn’t even hesitate or feel strange. I did it within seconds and felt this release in sharing that.

It was dark and dirty and so fucking fulfilling on a level I didn’t expect. And I’m crying right now and realizing as I’m writing that it had more of an impact on me than I realized.

He played with me for over two hours that day. I soaked my chair from squirting so many times for Him. It was so intense because He mentioned something else I never dared say to Him. It was a deep turn on and secret desire that because He’s a Dominant, and He never mentioned to me, I was too afraid to ask.

His mouth on my pussy. My god, I almost collapsed. You see, when I read His writings, He wrote about it. He wrote it in a way, with such attentive care for a woman’s body, that it just tore me apart. I can’t imagine wanting anyone’s mouth on me more than His. It’s a fantasy and I know I’ll never truly feel it and that makes it the cruelest and sweetest torture there is.

So when He said it to me it’s like my head started spinning and I could barely breathe. I asked how He knew. I never said it to Him. He shared something else that I can’t even write. I just can’t. I’m still afraid of it believe it or not.

He knows everything inside me. It’s the most amazing and fucked up feeling in the world. He gave me a task. The second one in two days. That alone blew my mind.

He had me make a video of me being a pee slut and telling Him why it turned me on so much. It was the most intimate part of it that when I watched the video back…I didn’t recognize myself. Who the FUCK is that?

The things I said, the things that turned me on and tortured me inside and how I truly felt. The convulsing my body responded with was more than intense…it felt like a stranger. This is not always easy and a hot wet experience with Him. It hurts and it cuts to the bone and the sense of humiliation is mortifying. The feelings almost more than the pissing.

And as always, when I go through something that freaks me out to release, I find myself wanting to run. I feel myself backing away and not knowing why. As usual, the second I feel that His response is to pull away from me…and everything that feels good.

I just said the movie wasn’t that good, He was right and to have a good night. It was the best I could do with my high blood pressure in the moment and not snap.

Why mention a movie to me that’s part of His list of favorites and then tell me it wasn’t one of His favorites and I’m stalking Him? Welcome to my twisted pussy!

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