We just had such a hot moment. I had a lolly pop and sent a pic with it in my mouth saying root beer was my favorite flavor. He said he thought it was cock. From there I wound up pulling over and taking video of sliding the lolly across my wet lil cunt and showing Him.
How I love showing Him. I crave it. I wait for moments like this when He speaks to me like I’m His. His slut. And actually He didn’t say that so I really can’t say that either. It’s just how I feel.
I sent a hot response back to something He said and things were so exciting…and then everything slowed. I sent a video and waited and silence. So I wrote something and another and then there was a response. But each time it got longer.
I did my best to ignore it. To focus on how hot I felt but my mind started torturing me. What is happening? Why is He not answering? Did I say something wrong? But then a response and it was very hot.
Oh god, why did my mind have to worry it was someone else? I waited 10 minutes and got upset. I left the place I had parked so I could play with Him. Maybe I should have stayed but it hurt. I got angry. It was exactly NOT submissive.
He finally returned a text but my mood was gone. He felt it. Did He do it to see what I’d do or was it someone else something at His house? I failed again. No matter what. I failed. I suck at being a sub. Yes I might be able to withstand pain if He were whipping me. I would give of myself till I bled, but I don’t have the emotional strength .
As soon as I hurt, I cave in. I complain or freak out or do something that asks for His attention. And then I get to hate myself like I do right now.
I just took a deep breath and text Him. “That was so hot before. My pussy never seems to stop dripping talking to you”, I said.
“I know”, He sent right back.
Sometimes all I can do is admit when I’m wrong and lay myself down. That felt better, but things would go so much smoother if I fucking learned to override the freak out in the first fucking place!!
Thanks for listening.