With all the encounters…alright, all the FUCKING I’ve done, I’m starting to realize that it’s just energy. Oh, fuck yes, it’s the hottest energy on planet Earth and, now that I’ve really felt it, ain’t no turning back; however, it’s just another form of energy.
It’s an energy that we attach such an intense taboo to. We label it and those that like it too much to a place that is trapped in a box and shunned by the righteous. Some of those people are right in our own families. I say that, and then I also think that the real truth is: all of us feel the need to fuck unabashedly–but we talk ourselves out of it. The more righteous one is about this…the more they probably need just what I need: to be fucked whenever and however they want!
I was unstoppable when I was a kid. I couldn’t keep my fingers out of my pussy. Once that feeling of what it felt like to explore and touch and then finally cum, I was hooked. I couldn’t wait to get home from school to look through my Dad’s playboy magazines and touch that wet little pussy till I felt that warm wave run through my whole body. Playing roles and scenes was so much fun and freeing to me. And doing it all in secret was that much hotter.
Then taking that out to the world, well, that’s where things got fucked up. Being in the woods with a group of boys and another girl was such a draw to me. I wanted more and I loved the attention. If you’ve been reading my writings, you KNOW how much I LOVE attention. The flip side of that though is learning to deal with whatever that attention is.
I was called a name that was intended to shame me for feeling and expressing all I did. Not being a real tough personality, I was shamed. I hid my pain over it and I hid my need for those experiences.
Last night I spoke to a burlesque dancer on Instagram. You have NO idea how erotic the thought of showing myself to others on stage is. This new friend encouraged me to try it; but just like I write this page secretly; fuck others secretly; I would have to hide that very naughty activity as well.
Naughty. I’m laughing at myself for writing that. Somewhere still inside me is an apologetic, frightened and yet very pissed off little girl who just wants to breathe and live out loud. How do YOU live out loud?