Close your eyes. What do you feel? I just did that, and it’s amazing how many times I’m just trapped in my mind. It spins and swirls searching for meaning in everything.
I mentioned to Him that I still wanted to get my tattoo. I’ve never gotten one, and so typical to my monkey mind, I’m searching. Where do I put it? He said put it close to my pussy. I have a tummy tuck scar that’s still healing and now things feel differently. And I want to see it, kind of. And who’s going to do it and where should I look?
Shut. The FUCK. UP!!
No wonder I’m so nervous lately. He said, “I told you you’ll know the right place when you feel it”. Feel it. Now, there’s something I forgot about.
I have to say, when I’m fucking someone…a stranger or a lover I’ve been with…all of that stops. For the most part, I’m just in my body and there’s this sense of time warping. I so give in to it. And the harder I’m taken, the more I flow into that place. My god I can feel that right now.
He was a little playful with me tonight. It felt good because I was crying my eyes out for some reason earlier. That attention whore craving is so embedded in me it rips me apart when I feel slighted or forgotten. But I swear there’s never been a stronger lesson.
That little girl who wasn’t told she looked pretty today. And yet, it really does feel like my light cums on when He sees me. I want to be sweet for Him. I want to be slutty. To be whatever He feels proud of. And I feel weak and strong in that at the same time.
So I’ll listen to Him. I’ll feel where that ink should go. And I’ll find my way to who will paint it into my skin. And I’ll feel each pin prick and feel it deeper because He chose the design. It’s His mark on me. And I want to feel it there under my skin and know that no matter what…it’s there forever.