Me Being an Attention Whore

I fucked a new stranger tonight. I was so unsure if I wanted to or not. He (I’m still afraid to call Him Daddy) wasn’t responding. All day. He said He was mostly sleeping today. Maybe that’s true or maybe He’s torturing me. I’m never sure.

The point for me in fucking someone is to show Him, to please Him….to show Him that there’s nothing I wouldn’t do.

I drove to the apartment complex where this guy lived and pulled into the other side of the parking lot. I took off my boots and jeans and the rest of my clothes and slipped on a little dress He calls my coke whore dress. I put on the black platforms and my winter coat and met this guy at the door.

We spoke a bit on his couch and then he slid one of my tits out of the dress and sucked on my nipple. I asked him to get rough with me. Things have to be rough for me to feel them lately. I was anxious; I still hadn’t heard from Him and that meant He wouldn’t be watching. I wouldn’t be hearing His voice. I wouldn’t be bathing in His intoxicating attention while He watches me with a new stranger’s cock in my mouth.

I started making videos to send Him but my heart sank. I felt empty and lost and confused why I was there. I had come here anyway. I could have cancelled so why didn’t I?

As the new stranger slid his sweat pants down so I could see his hard cock, I knew what I was there for. I felt my mouth swallow his cock and I noticed myself doing it. I noticed how completely at ease I was doing it. Nothing awkward nothing scary or strange feeling. My mouth and pussy knew what to do but my problem was my spirit–my heart and mind. I wasn’t sure if He was truly asleep. Without Him watching it wasn’t the same. It just never is

I know. I could have cancelled, made it another day so why do I torture myself? It’s a sick twisted game it really is. If I cancel I risk the chance of being lazy. Showing no effort. Being a slut who is not worth anything to Him. And if I go through with it I may be ignored. I might miss the window when He is awake. He may see the videos and not respond to them.

I fucked this stranger on His iron bed. I wanted to be tied up on it because it reminded me of things He has teased me with: His bed tied spread eagle and tortured till I cum all over. No, it’s nothing I have ever experienced with Him. That’s why it’s a tease.

The best part of the fucking was when it was so hard it hurt. I do love that. I can feel it now and know that my vacant emptiness was part of a turn on for me.

I’ll probably cum tonight thinking about it. How insignificant I am to Him too. He never said anything about the pictures or the videos other than He didn’t look at them yet. I didn’t get any words of praise about being His slut or that it was hot or any attention. I am an attention whore so much so that it physically and psychologically causes me pain. And yet it also is a sick attraction too. The pain is torture and yet it’s something I’m drawn to.

Why else would I keep coming back for more? Why would His Pain make me cum so hard when He finally gives me the attention I crave? I hate so much admitting that because of what it does to me, but I will wake tomorrow and try again. I’ll look for more opportunities to fuck people; to show Him. To find a way to please Him so He’ll show me His sweet love.

As He says, it’s not me wanting to please Him as much as it is being such a slut that He rips the pleasure from my body. I feel guilty about that yet I can’t deny it true.

 

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