Can I Submit?

Can I submit….to His will…no matter what? I just jotted that down in a note to myself and I was compelled to write this, even though I’m lying on my side in bed at 1 a.m. writing in the dark on my phone.

I can’t sleep. You know why? Because I sent Him some pictures of me before taking a bath. I wanted so much to just share a simple moment with Him. He was not feeling well and went to bed very early and I so long to take away His pain. Something inside hoped that these pictures would help. That He would enjoy them and forget His pain even briefly.

I am up though….CHECKING! And that is my problem. I NEED to know that He saw the pictures. And then I’ll want a response. And then if He just ignores them or says “mornin”, if He responds by morning, I’ll feel hurt. I’ll be disappointed and I’ll feel neglected.

Can. I. Submit?

Well? That’s a bracing question for me at this moment. Fuck me….can I submit to HIS will? HIS needs? HIS response??

Can I put my ego aside and say no matter what….I will find a way to please Him?

I just took a really deep breath in. And then let it out.

Yes.

I can. I don’t need Him to like the pictures–I will take others.  I want Him happy (and healthy, of course). Not happy with me, I want Him to feel happy. I can release all of that stress and say my love is strong enough.

And as I say that I can feel it’s so.

I can submit to His will, no matter what.

 

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